Your woo-woo coach speak* is never gonna make sales. Here’s what to do instead

 

Follow these 5 steps and you’ll stop sounding like an organic marshmallow fluff filled Pop-Tart, and start saying things your customer needs to hear which has ’em desperately scrabbling at the bottom of their bag for their wallet.

I know you’re like “ugh, that is the most basic business advice ever Momo. Why don’t you go drink a Pumpkin Spice Latte while wearing UGGs to complete your #basic look?”

(For the record, I’m a plain latte gal and have never worn UUGs, thankyouverrahmuch.)

Yeah, it’s basic… but it’s the foundation on which the rest of your copy is built. And if you don’t nail this you’ll end right back at Square 1 wondering “why won’t anyone buy???”

So do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. If you DO follow this, you’ll be collecting those $200 smackaroonies… and a lot more.

*Not just for coaches

Everything here can be applied to anyone who is stuck tangled in their own industry jargon.

Coaches, I love ya.  But you can write some real hooey!

Even the heart centred gurus who seemingly manifest like mofos can have trouble creating the abundance and impact they desire while turning passion into profit.

(Yowzas, you SEE all the buzzwords I crammed into that nightmare of a sentence??  *shudder* I’m irritated as hell just writing it. But you see how ridiculous it sounds, riiiiight?)

Let’s unlock the secret to knocking off the coach speak.

I mean, you don’t HAVE to – it’s your business, not mine, so if you wanna keep struggling that’s your choice… but personally I LOVE to see people successfully doing what they love, and I know this’ll help make it happen.

So gimme me something to cheer about!

 

Here’s why nailing this is so important…

It lets you reach more people. 

It lets you have a bigger impact. 

It lets you bring about the real, honest-to-goodness change you want to see in the world.

AND it keeps the lights on.

It helps you have YOUR best life. (Ooo cheeky! See what I did there? Just making sure you’re paying attention 😋)

My fellow copywriter (AND mindset coach – so she totally “gets” it) Shelsey Jarvis points out that the “squeeze your eyes real tight and hope for it” kinda manifesting won’t do you any favors with growing your business.  

But what you learn here?  Yeah, it’s the real deal.  It’s long and super freaking worth it – well, at least if you like money and wanna stay in business.

 

2 reasons why coach speak doesn’t work

No one understands you.  Seriously. 

Well… except for other coaches.  

But you’re not trying to sell them, right?  Right.

If someone tells me to “follow my bliss” I’ll be Googling the nearest taco shop.  I bet they’re not trying to sell me tacos with extra guacamole.  Yes I know it’s an extra two bucks, gimme the guac!

…Wait, that’s NOT what you meant?  How should I know?!  

And that leads me to the next point…

 

It’s open to interpretation
“Living your best life” could mean a MILLION BILLION things.

What does it mean to YOUR people?

For some it’s…

  • Walking their kids to school in the morning.
  • Or having the gumption to say “no” when that dirtbag sends a midnight text for a bootycall.
  • Or living in an oceanfront mansion on the Pacific. (Pacific Northwest?  SoCal? So many options!)
  • Or understanding how to get your kids talking when they say their day went “fine” (in an distinctly un-fine way.)
  • Or having the freedom to meditate all day.

You see where I’m going here?

I know, you’re a total smartie pants!  Love it!  *Mwah*

The 5 Step Coach Speak Recovery Program 

1: Know who you’re talking to

M’dear, you gotta know EXACTLY who you’re talkin’ to.

It comes down to knowing your dream clients like the back of your hand.

And yes – I’m implying that you have to narrow your focus.

If you’re ready to wail something like “but I want to help everyoooooone!” please keep reading…

You CAN help people with all kinda problems, goals, challenges – but you shouldn’t. At least, not if you want a profitable biz.

You aren’t right for everyone. (Thank gawd, it would be an awful lot of work to take on all those problems in the world. The pressure!)

Be a specialist. Not a generalist.

Let’s say my foot hurts. (Darn, what did I do?!)  

I don’t want to go to my family doctor.

I want the greatest foot doctor in the city!  The Master of Feet!  The God Of All Things Below Ankle!  I’m not messing around, GIVE ME THE BEST!  As L’Oreal says, “I’m Worth It!”

You know what I mean?  Thumbs up, sistah. 

So now you know who you’re talking to, you need to know their day from beginning to end.  This is critical to the next steps, so don’t skimp on getting to know your customer.  

Take them out for coffee!  Virtual coffee!  Jump on Skype!  Go for a walk together!  Use your phone to make a *gasp* actual PHONE CALL!  Offer a free session if you have to, just to get close with them.  

You need to know them better than they know themselves.

2: Know what problem you solve 

Be crystal clear about what you help people with.

This becomes a LOT easier to figure out once you know exactly who you work with!  (See how all these little steps build on each other?  Bee-youtiful!)

Choose a niche, choose a problem, and OWN IT.

Get known for that One Thing.  

“When I say peanut butter, you say…”  “Jelly!”

You want THIS kind of association with your expertise.  

Be the jelly.  You are one with the jelly.  (No, this is not a reflection on how much time you’ve spent at the gym.)

“You’re trying to leave your soul sucking corporate job to become a digital nomad?  You NEED to see this guy’s website…”

“You said you’re having a tough time going through menopause?  You gotta talk to…”

“Trying to feel like yourself again after divorce?  Screw your lawyer.  You really need to chat with…”

Ooo, see the power of referral marketing?  Magic!

 

3: Know how this problem shows up in their daily life

Here’s where the rubber hits the road.

You know who you help, you know what problem you solve, so now… describe the problem they have.  Clearly – no marshmallow fluff.

No “your soul is ringing in your ears.”  What the heck do they have, tinnitus?  That person needs a doctor, not a coach!

Let’s go back to the nomad-wannabe-corporate-stooge.

What is a “movie clip” from this guy’s life?

How about…

*Ping!*  Ugh, another email.  For frig’s sake!  If your manager would stop emailing, you’d actually finish this project.  You mouse over to your inbox and grumpily click with waaaaay too much force…

Wait.  It’s not the 77th email from your coffee breathed manager Todd.

It’s from a 50% off sale on all flights to Thailand!  Excitedly you click through until… you remember you’ve already used up your measly 2 vacation weeks already this year.  

 

Or maybe focus on nutrition.  

Say your ideal client went to the grocery store to buy a package of boxed macaroni, but didn’t want to be judged too harshly by the cashier so randomly grabbed an organic heirloom tomato as well. (Not that I would know anything about that.)

 

 

4: Describe the transformation

Above you got clear on what life looks like NOW.

Here, we gotta get clear about the life they WANT – and you’ll help them get.

What if instead…

You open the door to the beachfront villa, stopping for a moment to wipe the last of the sand from your feet.  *Ping!* chimes your email.  You grab your phone and scroll to check.  Probably your client giving the “go ahead” on that massive project – wait.

It’s a 50% sale on all flights to Thailand.  

“Honey… you wanna try another beach?”

See how real these “before and after” scenarios feel?  

A heck of a lot clearer than “live your best life”.  

And yes, it DOES work for every kind of coach – at least, if you’ve done the other steps.  You might have to dig deep but for crissakes the hour or two you’ll spend on this can “make or break” your business.  It’s a no-brainer to get it done!

 

5: Show why they have to take action NOW

What have they got to lose?  

It’s SOOOOOO much easier for people to do nothing at all, so you have to make them feel what it will be like if they don’t make a change.

Imagine still being stuck at this desk, 5 years from now.  Your inbox looks identical – the work never ends.  And the projects which feel like busywork?  Yeah, STILL in progress.  Nothing you’ve worked on has made a difference… just as you’d always suspected.

 

You’ve changed your computer background to 5 different tropical beaches, but you’re nowhere closer to living on them.  Every day feels like Copy | Paste of the one before.  It’s hard to remember where one year ended and another began.  What will it feel like to waste another 1,825 days stuck right where you are now?

 

Or what if in 1 month from now you could walk out of this cubicle hell – forever?

 

Feel the sand between your toes.  Home is anywhere you have your laptop.  And never miss a killer flight deal again.

There you have it – the 5 Step Plan.  Roll on into your offer and CTA from here.  Now you’re on the road to recovery! 

 

Lets wrap this puppy up

As my fellow copywriter Natalie Taylor over at The Missing Ink says… 

“Coach-speak IS its own language… and it’s like Klingon to clients.

Think long and hard about the “before” and “after” picture for your clients – before they get your help, and then what their life is like after…. and then, GO DEEPER!

If someone is “stressed” before, and then “in balance” after, give us some examples of how that plays out in their lives. Talk about scenarios and experiences that your ideal clients can identify with and see themselves in.

Good copy makes the intangible work you do TANGIBLE – which means you have to explain how the coaching you do has a concrete impact on someone’s life.”

Now, if you found this valuable, I’d love if you’d share it with a coach friend.

Seriously – you can’t coach everyone yourself.  Let other people share the load of making the world a better place!  This post will help make that happen.  

So “share” with a friend, and you’ll increase your impact at the click of a button!

 

Wanna punt your Macbook against a wall 'cuz you can't figure out this whole "marketing" shemozzle?

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